or in other words:
"This is what 50 (yikes) looks like."
I found myself approaching this birthday in a not so nice way. In fact I was really dreading it. When I hit 20, 30 and 40 I was busy, busy. In the midst of college, teaching and then parenting. And while I'm still in the midst of parenting, my kids don't need me as often as they did and I find myself with a lot of down time, hence, the wondering of what I want to do with the rest of my life, which leads me to gasp at the fact that I'm 50!
So, what I found myself doing over the last few months is reflecting on this great journey and thinking about where it will lead me next.
So I thought:
When I was 10, I was a tween. Hoping to be the next Olga Korbet or Cathy Rigby.
When I was 20 I had met my husband, who wouldn't become my husband for quite some time. I was too busy
playing partying to be serious about anything.
I remember turning 30 and still thinking that I wasn't ready to settle down. Andy was back in my life and this time it was for good.
And then all of a sudden I was 40. We had a great party in the Adirondacks. All my favorite people were there...and I was sicker than a dog with the flu. Matt and Ryan were only 5 and 3 and so excited.
I always thought I wanted a big bash for my 50th. But as it grew closer I just wanted quiet. To celebrate with my favorite people. My close friends took me out for a surprise dinner, my brother and sister-in-law came for a summer time visit and I quietly celebrated my day overlooking the mountains and the lake in the Adirondacks.
I'm not sure where I will travel this decade, but I do know that when I reach the other side I will have both boys out of school. It will be an exciting time for our family. It will be a time where Andy and I will be back to just us. I'm looking forward to watching the boys grow and become young men with their own dreams. I'm looking forward to my independence and where it might lead me.
So 50, welcome and play nice.