Monday, January 9, 2012

5 things...

I have no idea how to start this post.  Should I just lie and say my weekend was splendid?  Ryan was away with his dad at a hockey tournament, so Matt and I must have had some good quality time together, right? 
Wrong! We did have the quality time, but happy it was not. 
I'm not going to sugarcoat it.  Matt found himself in trouble this weekend.  Big trouble. It's not life threatening,or police related, or something so bad that he can't dig himself out of.  But for a kid that has never been in the Principal's office this is big for him
I wondered if I should write about it, but then decided to at least talk about the feelings we are going through as parents and child.  

1. It's hockey related.  Hormones racing and not one rational thought going through his mind.  He was skating away from the trouble, when trouble came looking for him.  The opposing skater was chirping in his ear as he skated away...until Matt could take no more.
2.  He found himself suspended from all further play and practice.  Tears and let down have followed.  I'm glad to see that he is truly remorseful.  
3. I have felt sick to my stomach all weekend.  I have always known that my kids would make mistakes and as they grow older, those mistakes would be greater. But, when a big one comes, your heart breaks for him and all you can do is be supportive and let the chips fall where they may.
4.  I'm thankful for my hockey parents who were very supportive.  They know that Matt is an awesome kid and this was a fluke.  They have spoken to Matt and me and have encouraged us to keep our chins up.
5.  This has been a valuable lesson to Matt.  A true life lesson, which I'm sure, he will tell his kids about someday.  But right now, it's hard for him . The parenting is hard.  And it just plain stinks.

15 comments:

free range chick said...

Thank you for your honesty I am so glad I am not the only one on earth going thru trying times these days.
Nothing better than a life lesson, Jane...how else are we supposed to learn? Mistakes are there to learn from,( oh, the stories I could tell) just the fact that you write about this makes you an awesome parent...and I bet that is why Matt is an awesome kid!
I agree, chin up- and battle on.
This too shall pass.

On a lighter note the image of your cat is just to cute...and even your dog looks a little worried...

MadMad said...

Gosh, I was JUST saying to someone TO-day how parenting was hard, watching them grow and learn to fit in and having to let them do it themselves, but still being affected by their deeds - and misdeeds - even though we don't commit them, they do. I am so, so sorry. I can imagine your - and his - pain, having gone through a similar thing ourselves last year. I wish I could tell you how to get through it, but mostly it's a one day at a time thing, and a hope that you know that just about every mom out there has been through - or will be - going through some version of this at some point. It's like when you have a screaming infant on the plane - you think it's horrible, horrible and everyone is upset. Mostly they've all been there and are just happy it's not them! And a few are irritated, but not as much as you think. So. Chin up. Remember all the people who love you and Matt and, though it's hard, forgive him. Remember something awful you did as a teen (in my case it was throwing garbage onto our neighbor's car. Piece by piece. I don't know why. It just sounded like fun at the time...) and know that teens are all a little nuts. It doesn't make them bad people. Good luck, honey.

Kim said...

Our weekend was challenging in different ways. Teens fighting with each other and trying to exert their smart-assy free will and just being not-so-wonderful. Actually, only 50 percent of them did that, but it made for stressful times. Growing pains...

I hope things turn around for Matt soon.

rosemary said...

Oh Jane I feel for you. Remember your #5 on your New Year's post ...strength. I've been using that as my "mantra" to get me through anything "yucky" that has come my way. You are a fantastic mom and your boys are great kids, and your strength will get you through all of this. Life's lessons can stink sometimes but we get stronger because of them.
Love your pictures....your cat cracks me up!
Have a good week.

house on hill road said...

this parenting gig? hardest thing ever. i do applaud you for letting the chips fall as they may. as hard as it is to see this happen, at least you aren't trying to control it for him. a lot of people i know try to make everything right for their kids. and really, i think that is the biggest disservice of all. i hope it resolves itself soon. xo.

Rose said...

Parenting is hard if you are good at it and you obviously are. Hang in there.

Boo's Mom said...

Call me terrible, but I can't help but wonder if the boy "chirping" in your son's ear suffered any consequences, too? It seems people who learn hard lessons like this when they are children grow up into good, responsible adults. The temptation to make everything right for our children is strong, but usually it's a good thing to resist. Life!

Holli said...

Wow, Jane. I'm sending thoughts and support to you through the airwaves. Perspective and time will reveal all. You are a superb mother to your sons. Keep up the hard work!

xoxo

Kathy said...

Such an honest and heartfelt post -- thank you. I can totally relate -- my daughter is almost 14 and plays hockey. I've seen so much more intensity this year and sometimes they just don't have enough impulse control for the situation. That doesn't make it any easier for the parents, though. Sounds like you have handled a hard situation really great.

Jane said...

Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to me.

Boo's Mom- It's always the second kid to get caught and not the person who starts it. Matt knows this and so do we. That's why kids do it to certain players, to make them lose their cool. Total mental game.

And to the anonymous poster- I don't think I ever said that the other kid should be punished. This was a post about the aftermath of bad decision making. My kid is being punished and he deserves to be. What he did was wrong and he is paying the price. What I wanted to convey was that it's very difficult to watch you child fail. It's about letting go and watching your child live by his actions.

Boo's Mom said...

Jane, you're so right about the second kid. I was the second kid a few times which has left me sensitive to that kind of interaction. Parenting is only easy if you aren't doing it!

Mary said...

Thanks for an honest post about the difficulties of parenting. Even at 19 I still have to watch my son "fall down" and it is really hard not to want to "pick him up". I'm learning that I have to let him learn some of life lessons the hard way even though it is difficult to watch. Hugs.

Rachel said...

Not having kids, I can't relate as much as some of the other commenters...but just knowing some of my behavior as a young adult and realizing what I put my parents through, I feel your pain. You show great strength for your honesty and your insistence that your son is an awesome kid despite this incident. Seems like you are handling it okay.

RW said...

hmm.
I know that sick feeling all too well.
we are in the midst of a most tragic story and I am finding it challenging to explain to my teens that horrific things happen but, life will continue to unfold. we must keep getting out of bed; doing the laundry; finish the book report; and find space and time to talk it through. and talk some more.

peace to you and yours.

magnusmog said...

Sounds like tough times all round. Hang on in there. x